Yu-Gi-Oh! Tcg Meme - Filled FUNNY DESCRIPTION

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1 - Dragon: Light and Darkness Dragon: Like a kid in a candy store, so many choices: Number 107 Galaxy-Eyes Tachyon Dragon, a timestream messing troll who's the driving force behind the show Time Squad, Stardust Dragon/Assault Mode the stun monster no one can get enough of, or already had enough of having everything negated, Galaxy Dragon the hunter of his own kind (Like Blade the vampire hunter) Clear Vice Dragon the generic Nihilist Killer With no cause; Nothing says Utopia and Hope like Number 99 Utopic Dragon and its fiery breath of destruction and misery, Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon, Azure-Eyes Silver Dragon the Synchro blessing from the Egyptian gods to abridged Kaiba (who still doesn't believe they exist), Felgrand Dragon- started as the Dragon Lord's laughingstock, then said "SCREW YOU GUYS! I'M HAVING MY OWN STRUTURE DECK!" and became UBER tier; Different Dimension Dragon looks cool but sucked so hard it tore open a Black Hole that deservingly banished it elsewhere, the sparkly (with stardust, not gay glitter) Shooting Star Dragon, Horus the Black Flame Dragon LV8 who made the life of many a fiery hell fueled by their burning spell cards, Darkflare Dragon whose smile scares kids and dentists alike, Koa'ki Meiru Drago is either a hacked dragon-type Mewtwo, or the result of scalies recreating Mewtwo based on their kinks; Star Eater who picked Darth Vader's Death Star as dessert; Kachi Kochi Dragon is a lizard who either fell asleep on a crystal beach as kids covered him with overgrown diamonds while napping, or went overboard with Crystal Therapy. I picked LaDD because I found two by luck, and adore cards themed after balance between 2 opposites. Back then, i didn't like how he was split in two and had 2 tails, but grew very fond of him. To quote Kingdom Hearts: The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow will be.

2 - Spellcaster: Fog King. I like Knights and Mysterious, cold, neutral characters with a heroic side, so what better than this badass spellcaster? His anime appearance was truly memorable, too bad THE KING GOT IMPERIALLY SCREWED in RL release, they could have let him keep the Plasma effect, but NO! Konami always juices it to the Max. Runner ups: Delg the Dark Monarch, the dark overlord of the universe (Howard the duck reference) who fought against the Light side of the Force - sorry, Kuraz the Light Monarch for the title of Worst Monarch (Kuraz won by a landslide caused by his similarly useless brother Granmarg); Reaper of Prophecy, a sort-of undead, bishounen, fangirl dream-boy fantasy (aka Edward Cullen). Dark Paladin what happens when you fuse 2 RPG players, a Knight ad a Wizard, into one: you get a badass dude that does nothing, as the 2 Nerds clash and argue about their different Geekdoms inside his cranium; Evilswarm Kerykeion, a corrupted Hero whose willpower prevented him from falling to the dark side - Now THAT'S Green Lantern Corps Material! Sorcerer of Dark Magic a stereotypical Dungeon and Dragons High Sorcerer with a huge staff to compensate for something much smaller (so small Dark Magician Girl dumped him for Lord of D. if you know what i mean); V Salamander is an Alchemical spirit embodiment of Fire that transforms into a bunch of shoulder cannons to help Utopia Ray V score a few bitches - quite literally: he aims, he shoots, he scores, simple as that. ZS Vanish Sage, the Spellcaster who prefers to cosplay as Gundams rather than study at Hogwarts. Number 104 Masquerade as the stage magician who strangles you with oversized Triple-cock-rings.

3 - Zombie: Number 23: Lancelot, Ghost Knight of the Underworld: FINALLY, A ZOMBIE TYPE WITH A DESIGN I ADORE, WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, KONAMI? I love humanoid knights, even if undead, as long as they're still nifty-looking and not rotting with maggots. Lancelot's undead carcass proved itself to be a fierce opponent in the manga under Kyoji's command, direct attacking and shattering Shark's monster wall. DID ANYONE CALL FOR A KONAMI NERF WITH EXTRA CRAP? While its RL version sucks undead horse scrotum, I still adore its design, thinking it was a DBZ Freiza before knowing of the BADASS SILVER CHARIOT OF JOJO! A crimson scarf and skeletal body not so bleached and white it would trigger a Holocasut survivor would work too. Skelesaurus proves that Dinos make ev erythinjg better, even Zombies! Crimson Knight Vampire Bram looks really cool - Emphasis on looks, cause based on his DEF 0, his shield is just for show, but contrasts fantastically with his rotten flesh! His evil shadow twin, Shadow Vampire - wait, How do Vamps have shadows if the die in sunlight? Ash into ashes, dust into dust. Careful, Vampire Vamp looks hotter than said ashes, but she'll drain your life away as a price for her love. Worth it or not? YOU DECIDE - I feel a lot of virgins are going to die, we shall miss you. Number 48 Shadow Lich is Castlelvania's Death working overtime at Konami, undead mouths don't feed themselves. Despair from the dark is the embodiment of all the despair you feel when seeing the sheer stupidity of people ranting about meaningless issues on forums. BTW, Vampire's Grace's face: God save the queen? MORE LIKE GOD SAVE US FROM THE QUEEN!

4 - Warrior: Destiny Hero - Plasma: Like a kid in an all-you-can-play arcade: Daybreaker The Keyblade wielder who'll save the world then get sued by Square Enix, Crimson Blader, a fabulous Toreador with stylish stains of bull blood all over; Divine Dragon Knight Felgrand, the one who harnessed the least popular dragon lord's spirit to become a living Weapon that destroys your wallets with a high purchase price, Elemental Heroes Shining Phoenix Enforcer (a High ATK behemoth whose redundant effect sucks more ass than Stewie Griffin at a gay orgy), Chaos Neos (Not the E-HERO Duel Academy wants, but the one it needs) Black Luster Soldier Envoy of the Evening Twilight (Whose beauty of design is rivaled only by its sheer uselessness) Masked Hero Dian (A Wonder Woman expy with a sword much bigger than yours - Innuendo) Contrast HERO Chaos (Dr. White Jekyll and Mr. Black Hyde - THAT'S RACIST) Ryu Senshi the original Dragon Warrior (not fat-ass Po of Kung Fu Panda), Number 39 mons, especially Beyond the Hope; Numbers 79 /105 /C105 (The stars of the movies Real Steel with a new paint-job), Speed warrior (GOTTA GO FAST), D.D. Survivor (Robinson Crusoe... IN DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS!) Destiny Hero Dasher (GOTTA GO FASTER), Guardian of Tyranny - I mean Order, as Kim Jung Un forces his slaves to call it; Kuraz the Light Monarch (Basically the messiah of yugioh, only with less preaching about not eating shrimp and more blowing up things), Lightray Gearfried (BROTHERS! I've seen seen the Light! The FUCKN TRUCK'S HEADLIGHTS BLINDED ME BEFORE I WAS RAN OVER!) Moon Envoy (IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I SHALL MAKE ANY DECK USING ME WORSE!) Deepsea Warrior, Numeral Hunter (Not everyday you get made into a card version of you and your dragon partner fused as a hero out of the movie Tron, Maybe -SPOILER: Kaito gave his life on the moon to actually be immortalized as this cool card), Strike Ninja (Now you see me, now you d' - throat is slit -  Fuck), Vision HERO Fusions Adoration (The anthropomorphic form of Tentacle Porn), V HERO Trinity (Iron Man's Hulk buster armor designed by a Matrix fanboy and robophile, who named his new fleshlight after Trinity), D.D. Assailant (Stereotype overly sexual female Ninja from unrealistic anime with more focus on showing cleavage than stealth), Royal Knight of the Ice Barrier - he had an effect so OP he froze himself to be awakened only eons later, when the game is ready for his game-changing effect of making the opponent die laughing when someone plays this beautiful piece of shit.
"HELLO, I'M E HERO ICE EDGE, HERE ARE MY TWO DADDIES (Conservative trigger) Sonic the hedgehog and Gemini Man! This is my big bro-" -"SHUT UP MOKUBA, I MEAN ICE-EDGE!" Snaps his big bro E HERO Absolute Zero; MetaKnight's (Kirby) PG-E cousin Little-Winguard; Number 86 Heroic Champion Rhongomiant, a Macho Killing machine, provided you can fucking get him to show up at your army by getting 5 warrior cheer-leaders to roll him the red carpet, but his effects are worth it. But Plasma finally won. Why? IMO, he;s the epitome of a monster Ultimate Lifeform: negates all opponent mons' effects on field, draining any victim's life force and makes its power his own, No one is safe from Bloody Tears and Mesmerizing Glare, except for that asshole pissing on his parade "First of the Dragons", but traps and spells are there for a reason. Plasma also has the looks for the role of the ultimate Killer / Hunter. Smells like Greatness - And the lifeless corpses of Plasma's victims.

5 - Beast-Warrior: Phantom-Beast Rock-Lizard: First, let's get 1 thing straight: I despised this type at first. Most of the times, it consisted of hideous human-beast fusions or Furry OCs which were NOT to my liking. But there were some exceptions: Ghost Knight of Jackal (Goyo Guardian, I am your Father) , the Bujin level 4 emperors - AND EMPRESS, STOP ACCUSING ME OF SEXISM AGAINST WOMEN IN ROYAL FAMILIES! Firefists Horse Prince riding a Shiny Ponyta, and FF Spirit (an ink smudge improvised into a card), Constellar Hyades and Omega Put the "C" In "Constellars, Cool, CRAP THAT'S OP"; Black Ray Lancer, a Black Manta ripoff on a card with black borders and Black in its name; Can i make a fried chicken joke without being called racist? If not, screw you); Gaia Drake the Universal Force (Forget Card Games on Motorcycles, CARD GAMES ON MECHANIZED HORSES FUSED TO YOUR BODIES!) Wind-up Rabbit (Bugs bunny expy, no matter what you try, he escapes and comes back to taunt you). The OG Badasses are the Phantom-Beasts (Not you Wild-Horn, you look like a roadkill a cow spat out) twin headed Thunder Pegasus, Cross-Wing, and the walking Tank that goes ALLAH AKABAR! in your face should you somehow take it down, Rock-Lizard. It's a centaur with the head of a lizard and a beak, covered in sharp armor that will cut you, unless you're into that "stereotypical Emo" stuff, then it'll leave in disgust. What more do you want? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll ride this magnificent steed into the Rainbow and chase some unicorns, after getting an iron saddle to protect my balls from its scales.

6 - Beast: Naturia Exterio: Despite overall bias for humanoids, I adored Heraldic Beasts, Basilisk is a monstrosity you'd willingly let petrify you so you won't have to see its ugly face again; Dynatherium is a Lucha Libre Wrestler who "just let themselves go", cause apparently, calling them a hippo - which they really are-  is politically incorrect. Wolverine - i mean X-Saber Airbellum, Kinka-Byo (It was gonna star in the film Gremlins, but brought too much bad luck on the set) ZW - Leo Arms (Talk about bonding with animals on a new level / Bestiality), the Fabled Unicore and Kudabbi are animals possessed by "The Exorcist"'s demon, who;s experimenting with bestiality; Thunder Unicorn, Voltic Bicorn, Lightning Tricorn  (My little pony OCs force-fed Pikachus to look more Hip and appeal to a wider audience) The king of the jungle who became one with the Tree he used to hump / urinate on: Leo, the Keeper of the Sacred Tree. But those who know me should know that the style of monster i love is one that screams Cool and which can DISRUPT MY OPPONENT INTO OBLIVION, Leo looks the part and has the immunity for it, But No 1 spot goes to Naturia Exterio. This noble animal is the fusion of 2 spirits of nature, a long Wooden Dragon (not a dirty euphemism) and a Chibi Tiger, resulting into this Superb specimen, an unholy Miracle, a Splendid abomination, Naturia Extrio, it can virtually negate the activation of traps and spells easier than a hillbilly can count on their inbred deformed fingers, part of its effect setting the cost ready for the next time it needs to sharpen its claws & fangs on your precious spells and traps.

7 - Winged Beast: Mist Valley Apex Avian: A lot of Yugioh's poultry disappointed me in some way: Harpy Ladies kicked ass with their new support, but they're not just not my style (All female army of mythic creatures - your god help you should they have PMS - whose main purpose is fanservice with full Konami Cleavage censoring). Dragunity: never played them, but faced them enough to admit that they kick Cloaca - i mean feathers - ASS, and their riders look sweet (maybe Militum is actually Hawk Girl?) But The synchro gig drove me crazy (it still does now, specific tuners - non tuners - exact level crap etc.) You couldn't make a generic synchro deck, you needed a specific deck made to summon only a select few along such complications. XYZ don't have MUCH of that problem, but Rio's xyz need level 4 - 5 birds like blackwing synchros need their own kin to survive, REDNECK RACIAL INBREEDING FTW! Anyhow, The idea of dragon-riding Bird-men was awesome. D.D. Crow - Avian Terminator - disrupts your opponent's strategy and takes a shit on their head to rub it in; The Atmosphere is majestic and easy summon, Heraldic Beast Twin-headed eagle is Number 103's favorite food with burden of mighty, also quite good as roasted Poultry. Articuno - I mean, Blizzard Falcon, aurora wing and Blizzard Thunderbird ROCK (and have a 4X weakness to rock-types); Mist valley soldier is quite the bishonen / bifauxnen, and made some question their sexuality; Dark Simorgh look like Odin's right-eye - I mean, right-hand crow after stuffing itself with roast boar in Valhalla, enough to feed an entire family at Thanksgiving; The true emperor of the Ozone Layer (Not that tapeworm Rayquaza) Raiza the storm monarch; Raiza also ripped off the Mega Evolution concept of Pokemon, but it suits him much better. Now, HE-WHO-HAD-THE-MARKS-OF-GREATNESS-BUT-WAS-KONAMI-DENIED, STORM SHOOTER! It was love with the artwork at first sight, a strong, serious NOT UGLY bird humanoid with a kickass Mask who uses feather storms to defeat his enemies - HELAS, it was one of those wretched Senet cards, who were never meant to see the light of day again. At least some cards that suck by today's standards were playable in a older format, but not this guy; He's a literal Sitting duck (PUN) for your opponent to take down in a myriade of ways. The winner is Mist Valley Apex Avian, whose true reign came with Pendulums; I will uncover the secrets passed down through countless formats to how to use this bird as smartly as possible: "1 - Pendulum summon bird. 2 - Negate and Bounce. 3 - Rinse and repeat. You FCKIN Helmet caveman." After winning, feel free to use Apex's leftover feathers with tar to humiliate your opponent even further.

8 - Fiend: Armades, Keeper of Boundaries: Interrupting AGAIN. Many early fiends were abominations with faces not even a mother could stand, but some were horrible in a GRUE-AWESOME way. The Yubel series was a cherry on top of GX's monstrosities, The Supremacy Sun took that cherry and popped Yubel's in GX manga; Fallen angels also get a spot: Belial Marquis of Darkness, Adreus Keeper of Armageddon, Vanity's Fiend and Majesty's Fiend (The latter's effect has a deadly drawback: causing the opponent to rage-quit) know how to fall from grace WITH grace and style; the cursed undead native American from many B-movies with Indian burial grounds: Guardian Dreadscythe; Dark Necrofear holding her unholy spawn of Satan Mating with Necroface and blessed by Nightmares, THE ENTIRE EVIL HERO SERIES! Also, Gaap the Divine Soldier also called "Edward Dildo-Wings", our destructive primeval instincts in the form of "Ido the Supreme Magical Force" who is still shocked at what porn people get hard to; Hellspawn Al Simons - My bad, Prometheus, King of the Shadows; The badass duo Gemini Imps, no longer the immature "Delinquent Duo": They stopped pulling pranks just for mindless fun, they now prank folks and charge them cash to rescue them from their mischief. The sneaky Night Assailant - SLASH - COME ONE, STRIKE NINJA ALREADY DID ENOUGH! WHERE THE HELL TO FIND A HOSPITAL AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT! Reshef the Dark Being - Totally not a villain - Dark Highlander (or the Reaper of Final Destination) Fabled Ragin, who isn't but-ass ugly like his synchro brethren and even got an xyz version Evilswarm Thanatos, who rides a cursed unicorn away from Konami's nerfing habits and taking a rainbow unicorn dump on their dishonestly earned cash; Number 80 and C80, Rhapsody and Requiem, Living armor suits inhabited by a mad bloodthirsty spirit (is that a children's card game again?) with effects that mess up the opponent's strategies and their enjoyment of the game; Steelswarm Roach and his purified Form, Evilswarm  Exciton Knight (great, we got rid of a disgusting roach to be stuck with a pesky fly instead, BAN IT!); Darkness Destroyer: Look at that thing, LOOK AT IT DAMMNIT! It screams "Made of pure Malevolence"; if you meet it in a dark alley, you won't be even able to say your prayers, you'd be already killed. But at least, it beats going down to a ridiculous Kuriboh, or Worse, EXODIA FTK. This beast puts the "E" in Evil, and the "K" in "Kool - KILL IT WITH FIRE!" 2nd Place: Frozen Fitzgerald. That Icicle monstrosity is among the best theme-wise for me. But it needs SPECIFIC AS Fuck materials, and was nerfed into a glorified wall in RL, no longer a spiked barrier that vengefully slaughters anything daring to attack it. Finally, No 1: Armades Keeper of Boundaries. As said, i loved things dealing with balance between two opposite forces, Armades is a LIGHT fiend-type, who tries to calm his 2 brothers, Adreus and Tiras, to stop them from eternally clashing with each other, sort of like the only grown-up at a "Mario vs Sonic" Debate. A neutral and seemingly wise being too, with a kickass design (the asymmetrical wing would piss off Death the Kid).

9 - Fairy: Archlord Kristya: Do you know what time it is? INTERRUPTION TIME! But in a more optimistic tone. Fairies (Angels, in japan) are among my favorite types - not the girly pixies, but Flelf and Shining Elf are cool with me. Runner ups: Starting with Archlord Zerato: He's one of the possible endings of the RPG featuring Warrior of Zera as the PC, other endings have Zera turn to a demon or a monster... wait, the extended ending says Zerato also goes Adolf Hitler on his own team... I hate twist endings; Airknight Parshath and his enchanted armor Neo-Parshath the Sky Paladin, which is ironically by itself stronger than its wearer, but still reeks horse-butt sweat from him. Metaion the Timelord is living proof that no matter how many times anime features monsters with 0 ATK & DEF, characters will forget effects are a thing; Ma'at herself comes to judge scrubs and cheaters, but her effect sucks more Asses than there are Asses inside a Parliament. Dimensional Alchemist is V of V from Vendetta, but who relies on dimensional energy instead of regular dynamite for his revolution; Vylon Disigma is Lumine (Megaman) and Copy X's lovechild, Who's the cutest annihilator of tribes, You are! His Great-grandfather, Vylon Omega, incinerates all Normal summon Filthy casuals with his light "You scrubs get off my field!" Visiting from America, Pocahontas -  sorry, Guardian Aetos, Rafael's foster mother and her feather-duster hat, straight out of Mexican sweatshops in the LAND OF THE FREE! Tualatin annihilates all those who swarm with single-attributed cards, like blackwings, god i hate these birds, good going my friend! THE ENTIRE STAR SERAPH SUPER SMOOTH SUPREME SQUAD joins us lead by Number 102 Star seraph sentry and Number C102 Fallen Star Seraph Noble Archfiend - warning, author butthurt ahead - WHY DID THEIR AWESOMENESS HAVE TO OVERSHADOWED BY THE TELLARKNIGHTS! The Cloudians make a guest appearance as one for the best GX Archetypes! Unfortunately, Fishborg Blaster is still banned, so sorry guys, no top-tier for you. HONEST, the guardian spirit of Yusuke Fujiwara and maybe his secret lover judging by how Overkill he went with his over-protectiveness, and many Yaoi-fanfics online. Splendid Venus makes anyone who's not a queer -SORRY, I meant Fairy - give up 500 of their pts to her group as affirmative action (#ANGELISM, #PIXIELIVESMATTER); should you try negating anything, she'll have Victoria (another cool card) release her Draconian hounds on you, they haven't eaten any living squirming prey in days. El-Shadoll Nephilim is the best example of how you can make a puppeteer both drop-dead-gorgeous and dangerous enough to make anything drop-dead literally. Heavens' Power Ranger Megazords, ASSEMBLE! Herald of Orange, Purple and Green Light, into Herald of Perfection! Herald of perfection, Rainbow Light and Pure Light, Form Herald of Glorious Light! NOT ENOUGH, CALLING FOR REINFORCEMENTS! BASE, SEND US EXTRA FLYING SUPPORT! And this comes Mechquipped Angineer. And finally, we have Aurora Paragon dazzling us with her graceful light shows, presenting her big sister / brother / (i don't know), the one who won this contest: Archlord Kristya! As said in another deviation, Kristya is one Duel monster i'll always consider a spirit partner (i know cards don't have emotions, but let's not ruin the mood, and my libido), effect-wise, design-wise, stat-wise... If i believed in fate, i'd say we are soulmates - soul-partners, (i don't) but let's keep the 18+ rated stuff of my fantasies with Kristya off of DA.

10 - Insect: Dreadscythe Harvester: Insects aren't my thing, but i liked Inzektors inspired of Kamen Riders, mostly Hornet, Exa-Beetle and Exa-Stag, as well as Number 66 Master Key beetle, who opens with its phallic key the locks of love (let's hope there are no crabs there). My pick has a cool Mantis-Reaper theme, but Brain crusher is Disgustingly Cool and more useful.

11 - Dinosaur: Sauropod Brachion: Oxygeddon, an Air Pterodactyl that's Avatar Aang's new pet. Carboneddon, a dino of pure graphite that becomes a lady's best friend - NO, NOT A MUFFIN-MAN, DIAMONDS, DON'T YOU KNOW MARLYN MONROE'S SONG? Why is there a Dino in space (Galaxy Tyranno)? It probably took off outside Earth to collide kamikaze-style with the meteors that caused its species' extinction. Hazy Flame Hydra has many spares of its nightmare inducing face in addition to being vital in hazy decks. Numbers 61 and 19, Volcasaurus and Freezadon: very creative theme and design, but wait, didn't they say it could have been a Powerful Heat Wave or Glaciation Age that killed the Dinos? Those smart critters must have adapted and became one with that disaster to survive, or just sealed themselves in safe Blank Number Cards until the disaster ended. Oh look, the Space Tyrannosaurus is coming backed fused with an asteroid (Jurrac Meteor) and is coming in to give us a hug, how lovely. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! OH LOOK, AN ENORMOUS TAIL SWIPE DEVIATED JURRAC METEOR OFF FROM US, WE ARE SAVED, BY NONE OTHER THAN NO 1! Sauropod Brachion, I like how that thing is a Wall instead of high level beater, with a design simple yet elegant. It also has an effect that flips the lights out for everyone; go to face-down position my friends, and sweet Neanderthal Nightmares!

12 - Masked Chameleon: Vennominaga and her lap-dog trophy husband are good. I ADORE the Gagagigo line, which talks how the young evildoer Gigobyte discovers through his journey what it means to be someone worthy, with the help of Marauding Captain. I like Ancient Lizard Warrior, Sandslash's reptilian cousin. Masked chameleon wins the spot: a level 4 tuner, that resurrects ANY 0 DEF monster from grave for Instant Xyz or synchro. Sweet Mask too.

13 - Fish: Shark Caesar: Fish? Folks, i can't even stand sushi! A smoked trout might be nice, but we're talking about cards here. Fish aren't my faves, but i like how Shark from ZEXAL pulled off quite well using a sea-food special deck, especially Hyper-Ancient Shark Megalodon and Shark Caesar Salad - I mean Sushi Caesar - I CAN'T WORK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH! SHARK CAESAR!

14 - Sea Serpent: Number 47: Nightmare Shark: Ocean Dragons (OCG Name) are interesting, doing the regular dragon stuff - breathing and taking dumps - BUT UNDER WATER! (Their preferred place for taking dumps is right above their defeated adversaries, who they also teabag) Water Dragon is the closest thing this illogical (especially in the anime) card game has for actual science, Poseidra the Atlantean Dragon (Poseidon's gonna sue you for using something remotely similar to his name for this hideous beast), the previous ocean lord who was usurped from Atlantis' throne by Poseidra: Ocean Dragon Lord - Neo-Daedalus; Blue Dragon Ninja the dude who can get you in the mood with his giant wet snake - SEA SERPENT AURA, NOT D*CK! Skystarray, a flying emerald green manta ray that developed wings to migrate away from the polluted Lebanese waters (which ironically made it mutate into a flying sea food special) and feast on bystanders; Number 32 and C32, Jaws ripoff and Great White Sharknado ripoff; Any idea how a sea serpent  managed to be set ablaze underwater? Lavalval chain, a mystery to behold, but far away from its flames; Spearfish soldier, an overgrown Aquaman fanboy who wears shells and other Marine stuff to express his inner geek. No 1: Number 47 Nightmare Shark. The lovechild of a shark and a floating ninja with hand blades. What's not to like, other than the Brain-Bleach worthy bestiality scene I just mentioned?

15 - Machine: Number 42: Galaxy Tomahawk: Machines, A great type with many runner ups: Cyber Laser Dragon is a machine i had a love-hate relationship with: My eyes worshiped its art, and every cell of my body cursed at it in agony whenever its stats and effect are mentioned. Cyberdarks are proof that scalies are a culture that transcends organic beings, that even machines love to molest dead dragon carcasses; B.E.S. Crystal Core and the Gradius cards in general, Gear Gigant X - a humanoid puzzle comprised of many living gear pieces, making it hard to complete without one scurrying away. Anna's Night  Express Knight was the best among her Train Wreck monsters, Flying Fortress Sky Fire / Reactors / Dark Strike Fighter ensured the WWII aircraft legacy stays alive (unlike the holocaust victims), Armoroid is probably the only Roid monster that isn't a chibbi overload of sweetness and diabetes, but a kick ass Space Megazord. My favorite Celestial Doom Machines, Number 40 and C40, Gimmick Puppet Heaven's strings and Devil's strings, Humanoid abominations (like what angels in some mythologies are said to look like) with power to back up the dread they cast in you. And now the All-Stars GENEX ALLIES, Mega Man inspired badass automatons with a very special place in my heart. Their attribute powers and manipulation even reflect Mega Man's adaptive abilities, Volcannon is the Vile of the series, sacrificing mercilessly his allies to inflict massive damage to his enemies, Duradark is X, using specific weapons to instantly destroy evil-doers, and I loved their Synchros' art so much they;re among the only synchros i ever wanted to bother summoning. Cyber Raider, the Robin / Cog-in Hood who steals from Modern Androids to give to outdated wind-up robots. The crabby KA-2 Des Scissors and treacherous Needle Burrower, Feel free to pet them if you don't mind losing a hand to a giant pincer or spike. Dark Catapulter is as intriguing as a spawn of a dinosaur and  the mad computer GLaDOS (Portal) can be. Denominators look nice, but Master Chief is gonna sue Konami hard. Cyber Falcon (Skarmory ripoff) is pretty fly, Giga-Tech Wolf is smoking (Bass from Mega Man is not amused) Buster Blaster is nice, a cool robot that morphs into a sweet Gun )reminds me of the anime Soul Eater) Needle Man and Spark Man's robotic lovechild, Needle Soldier. T.G. Blade Blaster and his proud daddy T.G. Halberd Cannon are the epitome of what battle Robots would be like in a mechanical paradise, where robots would have evolved so far they would have eradicated the now useless humans. Creepy, but still awesome. Vindikite R-Genex is an excellent mon based of a Stealth Plane, UNLIKE YOU, Stealthroid! Only the Malaysian plane is stealthier than it. Remember what i said about the T.G. brothers? Superdimensional Robot Galaxy Destroyer is laughing mad about how ridiculous he thinks my statement was, and I have to agree: this Unicron-Megazord expy takes the cake, puts it back on Earth, Aims and blows the entire Galaxy up just because he can. The lore behind Constellar Ptolemy M7 sums up the US (or any other country) foreign policy: destroy everything in your path, especially the innocents you were supposed to protect, Before shouting "WE SAVED YOU ALL!" Remember Storm Shooter? Meet his brethren - drum rolls - Number 6 Chronomaly Atlandis! Just look at those Spawns of Tartarus! Those volcanoes didn't skip leg day, and masturbated long and hard to get Popeye-the-sailorman arms! And yet, they couldn't incinerate a match that's already burning. The only heat here is the heat of hatred (wrestling slang) towards these cards, rest in nerf purgatory. Number 9 and Number C9: Where are they? Why you're standing right on them! Chaos / Dyson Sphere aren't called space colonies for nothing! Those things make Darth Vader's Death Star look like a pea in comparison... TO JUPITER! Bothersome planet systems blocking your view? BAM, STELLAR BOMBARDMENT, or just absorb them inside C9. The winner1 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything in card form, Number 42.... Galaxy Tomahawk, the manga surrogate sister of Dyson Sphere. Another are space-related mega structure, summoned through similar methods, and with a specific counter trap; Unlike the repulsive guy who used it, it looks nice and has an interesting Zerg-Rush effect that didn't transition well into RL - Just kidding, its RL and Manga effects are to each other what Kuriboh and Chaos Emperor Dragon are. Or its RL effect is the result of exposing the manga version to enough gamma radiation it transformed into the INCREDIBLE HULK... Actually, the Hulk (or just about anything) is still more closely related to the manga card than its RL version is. To summarize, they butchered the now martyr-in-the-name-of-good-cards effect beyond recognition. A Space Manta-Ray... does it have some sort of Natural predator? (Cue incoming Galaxy Tyranno)

16 - Thunder: Lightning Chidori: I love Gem-Knights Tourmaline (U-Mad Sparkman?), Topaz, and Prismaura (the downsides of blasting enemies with lightning is a very costly electricity bill, Prismaura can attest). The Hunder family is cool (a family that fries or XYZ together stays together); The Calculator & Calibrator are interesting, being Counting machines of mass destruction (destroying things other than your wallet content). I don't like Watts' theme either (cute animals that put their tail in an electrical plug that sometimes look downright creepy), but i acknowledge that they can be DEADLY, with a capital "W" from the opponent when saying "WATT JUST HAPPENED? HOW DID I LOSE TO THEM?" Denkou Sekka is a an example of much dangerous a woman dressing as a samurai in the 21st century with cheap dyed hair (That alone should give you a hint that she might not have all her marbles in place) can be when wielding electricity, in ways other than a Tazer to use on anyone who approaches them while yelling "RAAAPE!" (Straw-feminists). Thunder King Rai-oh stuns decks better than how an American cop stuns / tazers a black bystander. Guardian Tryce is design-wise my fave of the 6 original guardians, and I love his twin-swords - that sounded gay - but like many other cool cards, he suffers of "Nerfosis Suckyassis Effecto Rectum", which means "his effects bites his own ass hard". Lightning Punisher looks cool, creepy, and off his meds (could it be he's actually being electrocuted? This would explain his spiky hair upwards and his face with no real distinguishable features); Elemental HERO Voltic looks awesome and finally, there's The Creator, a beautiful AND Powerful card, aka the sort of card Konami designs only once every blue moon! But the winner is an original xyz monster, Lightning Chidori, 1900 atk, Wind attribute, rank 4. It's also inspired of of a legend of a samurai who used his sword "chidori" to slice away the thunder god. Plus, that card's design and colors have "DON'T DUCK - FOKC (DAMN AUTOCORRECT) WITH YOUR MASTER, UNWORTHY SLIME!" splattered all over it (it also splatters the blood of enemies, and the tears of your dueling opponent with its kickass effect).

17 - Aqua: Number C101: Silent Honor DARK: Aqua-type: some are nice, others are literal slime-balls crawling out of garbage. Honorable mentions: Mobius the Mega / Frost Monarch, the first was among my first and all time faves, not only did he destroy spells / traps, his Mega form is all like "FREEZE MOTHERFUCKUH! LITERALLY!" and prevent retaliation. The Metallizing Parasites, Lunatite and Soltite, are intriguing Symbiotic Unions; Freezing Beast burns hot with awesomeness, but its sibling Burning Beast leaves me cold. Next's the ravishing maiden of the boobies- I mean, Hottie of the Aqua - you know what, i am too hungry to care, Hottie of the boobies or maiden of the aqua, whicever floats your boat. ZW - Ultimate Shield is a smart and well executed concept; Arriving from Japan Hentai industries, the Porn Star "Tentacle Dildohands" - Real Name "Skull Kraken"m but you might not recognize him as his face is cropped out of pornos, to keep the barf / cum ratio at a minimum for the viewers. Despite his face that only a mother could love (well, his mother was the first to vomit upon seeing him hatch), he's a swell guy who prefers cuddling to raping underage Asian girls. Leviair the sea dragon is cool and useful, but i rarely use rank 3; still, you don't really need to eat a lot of chocolate to know it's awesome, same with Leviair (Using it, not eating it; the cardboard tastes awful, ask any "maxx c" challenge taker). Unformed Void, the unofficial lovechild of Worm Zero and a human virgin desperate enough to sleep with it. Finally, THE WINNER, introduced by his Sentient Submarine Number 101 Silent Honors Ark Knight, none other than Number C101 Silent Honors Dark Knight (they removed "Knight" in the TCG cause if the goddamn Batman sues, they'll lose for sure). A humanoid anti-hero in dark clothes fueled by hatred and determination, an urge to resurrect from being worm food virtually anytime to pursue relentlessly the evil-doers as well as give hope to his allies, and the skills to defeat almost any opponent. Yup, totally nothing to do with Batman, folks. This thing, design and effect wise, is the best thing ever since the Bat-submarine (which he ejects from when summoned with the BAT SIGNAL / RANK UP MAGIC).

18 - Pyro: Blaze Fenix, the Burning Bombardment Bird: Like Thunder, a nice type idea, but not many cool monsters (I imagined water pyros, frozen flames). "Uria the lord of searing flames" is a hellish snake that likes to kick back and roast well done smores over a fire... lit over the burning carcasses of anyone it defeats, and over their deck too. Infernal Flame Emperor and Thestalos the Firestorm monarch are awesome flame ruler cards, one's a monstrous beast that can be seen checking its own breath in its artwork, the other's inspired of a roman emperor who wanted to see the world (Rome) burn, literally. Their servants, Royal Firestorms Guard, are no slouches either. My fave Volcanics are Hammerer (a wrestler wannabe) and Shell, who's tired of being used as nothing more than ammunition for fireball fights. Next, there's Evilswarm Obliviwisp, and the suns of GX: Helios the primordial sun, Helios Duo Megistus, and Helios Trice Megistus. Hm, it seems some thought that by 3 suns of GX, i was referring to Alexis' breasts, all three of them www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4mxzf… . A cutie-pie that's also a real annihilator with hidden potential, Raging Flame Sprite, the more he eats your lps out, the bigger he gets, Just like people and Mcdonalds, however he won't have a heart attack from eating too many lps and he'd still be healthy, happy and pretty. Daigusto Phoenix is a cool Pyro/Wind card, too bad it looks more like a mutated pterodactyl begging you to put it out of its misery than a phoenix. Solar Flare dragon is also cool enough to be here i my opinion, but his best friends gravity bind and Level limit area - B aren't allowed here, so he brought another friend instead: Inferno. The name alone should tell you not to be surprised to see a malevolent flame entity laughing maniacally with the seared skulls of its victims replacing its teeth; I'm definitely sure it's not a villain though *Inferno spits out the skull of Galaxy Tyranno with the helmet, albeit horribly melted, still on* Bad Inferno, no spitting hairballs! The winner straight out of 5DS manga, still red hot like Mexican Tamales (not the fake Taco Bell ones), Blaze Fenix, the Burning Bombardment Bird! Thye egg containing that beast is formed when a mommy wildfire and a daddy Aircraft bomber love each other very much... remember kids, war and fire are cool! Phoenixes are awesome, and this card reminds me of one of my Mega Man X Favorite Maverick bosses theme, Blaze Heatnix! It looks like a Mecha-Phantom Beast Plane caught fire (i hate those monsters), all the more reason to like it.

19 - Rock: Armor Exe: First, Gem-Knight crystal stands proud as the best individual rock-type normal monster, and his 2nd in command GK Alexandrite, their war medals' luster paling in comparison to their jewel's glamorous luster, which grants them the Chick-Magnet military rank - after all, diamonds are a lady's best friend. Wait, am i taking the lyrics of Hold-Your-Skirt Monroe as dating tips? Sheesh, we sunk so low. The 3 Magnet Warriors, Alpha, Beta and Gamma, with the ability to fuse into a humungous Robotic Rock Golem (NOT pokemon's Golurk, no copyright), Valkyrion the Magna Warrior! Just look at the size of his rock-hard sword, don't you want to stroke it? INNUENDO ALERT! Power Giant is here because of his fabulous looks, and to replace the broken disco ball. Hieracropshinx is cool, Tackle Crusader is a nice piece of junk - i meant the politically correct term, "abstract art", found in a junkyard - i mean art exhibit, it eats Safe-Zoned Number 66 for breakfast. He may look scrawny, but Fossil Dyna Pachycephalo is a cold-blooded special summon killer, provided there's still some blood under these bones. Presenting the Trio of Soil, The Hard-to-the-Iron-Core Gang, they're here to dish out dirt and how awesome they are at everyone: The Koa'ki Meiru Brothers, Sandman, Guardian, and Wall, providing stun support to rock types since 5Ds! Gem-Knight Lazuli may be made of stone, but she's a cutie-pie with a marshmallow heart; Careful, do not take her for Granite - granted, she can still kick your butt with the power of a master Earth Bender (Avatar). Supervising all, is the benevolent diamond overlord, Gem-Knight Master Dia! Look at all his jewelry, dat nigga didn't get all his shiny Bling by just eating chicken (stereotype, not racism), he fought the forces of the Evilswarm like a boss, and used their polished skeletal remains as jewels and medals! Cairngorgon, Antiluminescent Knight is handing tracts to tell kids not to be tempted like he was by the Evilswarm side of the force, even when they tell you they have cookies and mint edition tour guide cards. Daigusto Emeral is a foreign cousin to the gem-knights from Mist Valley, DAMN I LOVE THIS GUY. Oh look, a giant enemy crab with valuable Diamonds growing all over its back, STOP! PUT THESE AXES DOWN! DO NOT SHOOT ITS WEAK POINT! It's Number 52 Diamond King Crab, shame on you all! *discretely picks up a diamond that has fallen from No 52's shell* What? It was on the ground, i didn't tear it off him. Anyway, a card that's the fusion rock monster with anime support cards: GOGOGO GOLEM GOLDEN - DAMN TONGUE TWISTER! NOT THE CARD! - FORM! That thing's probably King Midas from a Steampunk alternate universe, except with less royal duties and A LOT MORE SUCKING. The winner is a card avoided like a Plagued Wolf and Pestilence (not the Cards), Armor Exe, a magical living armor of rock imbued with magical energy; in other words, it's the stone age ancestor of Iron Man's armor's.

20 - Plant: Phoenixian Cluster Amaryllis: Runner ups: the Flower Princesses and their ace, Number 87 Queen of the Night, you get all the fruit harvest you want with their help, DO NOT ASK FOR CHERRIES, THEY'RE DIRTY MINDED AND WILL MACE YOU IF GIVEN A PRETEXT! There's your neighborhood friendly alien slime Neo Spacian Glow Moss and her mature form Twinkle Moss whose slimy body's already well lubed for action (PERVERTED MINDS, BEGONE! THE POWER OF VIRGINS COMPELS YOU!), Fairy Knight Ingunar or Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind after a sex change and some swordsmanship lessons. Oreo - time for dessert - Orea, the Sylvan High Arbiter, a fabulous Fruit Salad Phoenix (Pun intended) and Tropius's cousin (pokemon), but i ain't running in my deck a grass/flying with x4 weakness to Ice! Queen of Thorns looks beautiful and represents Mother nature and what she'd do to you whenever you disrespect the environment: blasting you with a Super effective Solarbeam for 1000 damage. We also have the fan-made made into RL card Splendid Rose, proving Kids can make better cards than Konami - until Konami screws the card over with a bad effect, that is. "Eco, Mystical Spirit of the Forest" is a cool looking card. Next is Samsara Lotus, the first Flower to go Super Saiyan judging by her spiky petal hair, with an incredible power: it comes back from the dead each time, like Kenny of South Park, no matter how many times you kill it, it will find its way back to haunt you AND inflict 1000 damage to you. Why? Because you let her die you prick, it hurts even if she can revive! #MONSTERLIVESMATTER Next is "Rosaria, the Stately Fallen Angel", who embodies balance between two clashing halves, with full control over the whole thing, able to choose on its own which side to follow, be it the red Petals of order, the black roses of Chaos, an in-between path, or any other option, free from the binds of prejudice on instinct. Also, this could represent the Fallen Angel Lucifer, an angel with different wings on each side, remember kids, Pure and light may not always be good, Dark is not necessarily evil, there are 2 sides for each story Yada Yada... HOW DID A YUGIOH MEME BECOME  A PHILOSOPHICAL INTERNET DEBATE? WAS I OFF MY MEDS AGAIN? Anyway, the winner is Phoenixian Cluster Amaryllis, the phoenix flower as me and my cousin called it. A flower of fire that can resurrect continuously (and self destruct, i think someone is either too influenced by Kamikazes or suicide bombing, but at least, they know that *Terminator Voice* "They'll be back"), while burning the opponent, with its own "lonefire blossom" called Phoenixian Seed. Too bad that for a level 8, it has only 2200 ATK, but Solidarity did wonders in the past, and sometimes, you just need to stall while burning LPs, winning without attacking is great - especially by fighting dirty and targeting sneakily your opponent instead of their monsters, Hiding cowardly behind all sorts of stall cards; All's fair in Duel monsters and war. EXCEPT EXODIA, I WILL RIP YOUR CARDS TO SHREDS, BURN THEM TO ASHES, FEED THEM TO WEEVIL, MAKE HIM SHIT THEM, MAKE YOU SWALLOW THEM, THEN THROW YOU ALL OVERBOARD TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE NEVER FOUND AGAIN, SHOULD YOU USE THESE ANNOYING THINGS AGAINST ME.

21 - Psychic: Number 18: Heraldic Progenitor Plain-Coat: I didn't like the first psychics, they looked like cybeorganic experiments with slugs or mutated justin bieber fans - actually, JB fans have no grey matter whatsoever in their skull to begin with, making it impossible for them to be Psychic-type. I simply slowly backed away and set the whole store on fire to make sure they don't breed. How do they breed? If you're a child, they use the card "Multiply" of course! If you're above 13, then when a Power Injector and a Genetic woman love each other very much...  The ones based on time travel are more my style. I liked mostly Silent Psychic Wizard, a cyberpunk version cosplayer of Raiden (Mortal kombat), holding a very cumbersome Sashimi knife. Mental seeker and Time escaper looked cute, then there's Mewtwo in his Anime armor - Wait, that's not him? Armored Axon Kicker? How the hell did they not file a copyright lawsuit yet? Anyway, Hyper Psychic Blaster and his assault mode are cool genetically engineered cyborganic Super-soldiers, too bad for a synchro-phobe like me, summoning them was something with the appeal of memorizing every single phone number in the world by their owner's name's alphabetical order. Over Mind Archfiend, excellent design, i think they got the name and effect based on college students memorizing all sorts of crap for their exams, before exploding violently, releasing everything they have forcefully absorbed in their abused minds. Chronomaly Crystal Chrononaut is based of ancient aliens hypothesis, with this card used by conspiracy nuts as "proof" that Scientology is real and we're all alien guinea pigs. No 74 Master of Blades is Strike Ninja who can now kill you with just his mind, like Tristan and his telekinesis Neck snapping, as if we needed to make that guy more dangerous. No 69 Heraldry Crest has nothing sexual unlike despite the 69, except it looks like a uterus with necrosis. The anime says you need a pure rage to tame this beast of pure destruction, and No, Teenagers whining are not suitable candidates, it would just laugh before gobbling you whole all the way down its throat (No sexual innuendos). Its chaos form, C69 heraldry crest of horror, is a golden uterus undergoing never-ending PMS, so be warned; It won't put up with your shit, you cannot even come near enough to control this crime against life; the only thing you can do, provided you do not slip on your own pee after you wet your pants, is point it at someone else and hope it's in a good enough mood to save you for last on its list of things to kill. Number 8: Heraldic King Genom-Heritage, meet the majestic lovechild of Arceus and Xerneas, go to it and try to caress this splendid creature, do not pay attention at the silky smooth hair tendrils wrapping around you and draining your very life fluids, memories and identity, turning you into a lifeless empty carcass while it is free to morph into you and steal your life. Now, for Top 1: Number 18: Heraldic Progenitor Plain-Coat! It's a bird! It's plane! It's a Tesseract! It's a... I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HECK IT IS, FOR ALL I KNOW, IT COULD BE SOME SORT OF EVIL SAURON TOWER WITH A CYCLOPEAN BLACK HOLE THAT LEADS TO EQUESTRIA FOR AN EYE, AND IT IS WEARING THE RING OF SATURN DYED IN BABY BLUE AROUND ITS WAIST AS A BETROTHAL GIFT FROM DARTH VADER,  BUT IT'S STILL SO MYSTERIOUS, ORIGINAL AND JUST FREAKING COOL!

22 Divine Beast: Ra. Mega Ultra Chicken in all its yellow curry glory, A curry so Hot it enables it to breath fire. Slifer is cool too, a red serpentine god whose size makes the stupidity of some look minuscule by comparison, and that's saying something. I bet he'd do a better job as an executive producer than some Konami retards, whom he should fire - Or breath fire on. Horakthy is  beautiful, but good luck getting her on homefield, you need to get her to feel comfortable first with you by gaining her three fearsome bodyguards' trust (by presenting each three tributes of Booze, Mariguana and Bitches) and ONLY then, she'll MAYBE consider you a good FRIEND and show up. If you manage to score with her however, you won automatically the whole game of life. SIR, WE'RE BEING FLOODED WITH DOUBLE ENTENDRES! Obelisk: the Lovechild of a skinny (skeletal) top model mating with a Sumo Wrestler and a Gym-Bunny threesome-style, a Super Buff / Huge / Bony / Fugly Creature that brings death and fear wherever it steps (and on whomever it steps on). But this poor misunderstood cutie with puppy-dog-eyes (that turn you to stone) just wants to be loved.

23 Spell: Mask Change Second: Coolness: definition: A quick play spell that can be used in a pinch to turn your average joe monster into his Power ranger - Kamen Rider - Superhero ripoff form to kick some major ass, before getting their arrogant ass done cause they underestimated the enemy, then pleading your opponent's monsters for mercy and selling out to them, joining them on the quest to royally scewer your ass, then backstab them at the last moment and winning you the game, showing they were a spy all along, but then proceed to kick your ass with their new powers anyway and steal your rare cards to sell them on e-bay cause they were jerkasses all along. I liked Astral force as well, "RANK-UP! RANK-UP AGAIN! THEN RANK UP A LITTLE MORE! And to be sure that's enough, just rank-up one more time! Than do it all over again, but with more rank-ups!"

24: Trap: Jolt Counter: Scout's voice from TF2 (never played it): Too fast for you, buddy, haha, missed me, BAM, Going in for a touchdown! Oh, what's that? You're gonna mirror force me? BOING! Jolt Counter, Mutherfuckuh! Bet you can't out-speed me, can you - Is that a Wiretap trap card? Oh crap." *GRUESOME SCENE CENSORED* I loved the battlin' boxer theme with well-designed boxer monsters and their arsenal (like Counterpunch), this counter trap that is used when two monsters clash fists is pure win in my opinion, reflects how much Alito loves counter traps.